Meanwhile in my head, I'm undergoing open-heart surgery. - Anne Sexton.
88"There are experiences I shy away from. But my curiosity, creativeness, urge me beyond these boundaries, to transcend my character. My imagination pushes me into unknown, unexplored, dangerous realms. Yet there is always my fundamental nature, and I am never deceived by my “intellectual” adventures, or my literary exploits. I enlarge and expand myself; I do not like to be just one Anaïs, whole, familiar, contained. As soon as someone defines me, I seek escape from the confinements of definition. Am I good? Kind? Then I seek to see how far I can go into unkindness (not very far), into hardness. But I do feel I can always come back to my own nature. And what is my true nature? Is mine idealism, spirituality, poetry, imagination, sense of beauty, a need of beauty, a fundamental Rimbaud innocence, a certain purity? I need to create, I hate cruelty. But when I have wanted to go deep into evil, this evil changes as I approach it. I destroy the worlds I want to enter." - Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin Volume I