Meanwhile in my head, I'm undergoing open-heart surgery. - Anne Sexton.
385"Are people frightened of me? I don’t know. Maybe after all, my soul is just not to their liking. And so it goes. Months ago, I started observing myself more and more closely. At first there was a sense of emotionless distortion; Parts of me were refusing stubborningly to belong to myself, (I mean really belong) whereas others had not existential structure in my mind whatsoever. Loneliness is an absolute feeling and when it crawls under your skin you often lose any personal perspective and sense of self. You even come to fiercly resent your sense of self. Depression is different; evil and self-manipulative - often not distinguishable enough, often narcissistic, often mad or fully sincere. Solitude is also different. Solitude used to work for me; it carried me over unbalance, it even made pain tolerable by transforming it into artistic creativity and constant hunger for expression. But loneliness - loneliness has nothing to do with complexity or abstract emotional layers or absence of vitality and triumphing sadness. Loneliness is crystal clear, hauntingly precise and absolute. Plain as that." - Diane Arbus, Revelations: A Question Of Belief